possible lyrics? and update!

OMGOSHHHH

i have mini organ nowwhahahahahahahaaahahahaha

okie okie 

time for some lyrics!:P

........

i lost it>.<

i'll go home and find it later:P

byee!

Check-up

Hey hey

So far this week, I am feeling much better than last week^3^

currently?

i have this strange addiction to

MSN.

aaaaaaiiiiya.

I go on computer to type up an assignment

see HIM :P

talk to him

see old friend

talk to him

need to ask question to P.T member

talk to him

need to send email to Manny

typing email

realizes that homework is still not done

THEREFORE?

at least 3 conversations going at once, with one email inbox open, and document open = very busy desktop.

annd.

yesterday i wore the East Faith Free Hugs t-shirt, and i got lots of hugs! bwhahah

but then for lunch, i was in a hurry to get to the practice room, and i see these grade 12 guys who kind of creep me out b/c of their butts hanging out of their pants (did they do that on purpose?????) but anyway..

I was in a hurry, so i didn't realllyyy notice them, and they had wanted a hug. and uh oh. we have ome perverts here.

Man was I shocked at the vocabulary that they used when I walked past themT-T

remind me to never be mean to anyone in this school

other than those people. seriously!!!!!!!!!

GO and get a life if you have time to use words that are so gross that i've never heard of them!

*whew*

*whew*

*sigh*

*nya*

*blah*

*pi*

okie, so now that it is out of my view, i'll continue:p

Relationship wise?

I really think those 2 guys were joking around when they asked me for a date. why?

I havent seen them either since the older one asked me "what lunch I had" last last week. huh.

I personally think that they just wanted a date for  friday that was free. Well, I'm always busy on friday nights. If not choir, group solo orchestra practice, if not that, FNO!!!!! so BLAH.

and plus

its just too soon. GAWD. and it's not like i'm going to tell them that.

On that topic...

For some reason, I have a feeling that he still has feelings for me.Hm. 

why?

1: always asking his mom to make me pretty (she's my yoga instructor LOL)

2:we used to talk all the time (b/c we are friends, we do that) but recently, its just been like this:

heyy

hi

whats up?

..

conversation end.

and, like robert, refuses to sleep early unless extremely tired. which he is nowadays. Now I have 2 boys to worry about. (Robert is going to get beat up one day and HE is going to sleep through 3 days of school if we leave him alone)

*sigh*

On the bright side?

FUGUE IS (almost) OVER!

yayyy!!!!lol

you know?

I think it's my habit now to write little like free verses on this thing.

but b/c im in school, i'll pass today, b/c I need my lovely study room atmosphere with some music in the background to "feel" the creativity

PPUHAHAHHAAHAH

lol no I don't

but i like it

and MAYBE someone.

at least I know that he is smart/nice and willing to give guy perspective to girls:D(me)

so...

O.o wrote for 75% of class...

wow...

:P oops!

Life in general~

Thank God.

honestly.

without him, I probably would've already:

-quit school (as in Cawthra)
-beat up Robert (like actually)
-quit P.T
-give up on music
-be somewhere that I didn't belong
-trrrrryyy to kill myself?

the temptation for that last one actually almost happened in grade 7. but I was too chicken about seeing blood on the kitchen WHITE floor. hm. and leak out to the piano room. God saved me then too.....

SO.
This next little paragraph is going to be dedicated to the LOVELY egotistical poo-head that I've known for a long time, and as he grew up, he became meaner and snottier and though smarter, he rubs in the face of every single person he sees.
(:P Olena knows EXACTLY who I'm talking about...) yay short story time!

hm...to start off, I don't know if I'm allowed to disclose his name since he doesn't see this. But for now, I will.^-^NOT :P okie okie...

good old poohead.
I've known him since grade 3, and I was friendly with him, though I always thought he was younger than me ^-^;;; well, TECHINICALLY he is, but it's cause he and his older sis didnt do kindergarten they were so smart>.<>.< since I bother him about bothering everything else.

yup. there is the characteristics I've seen from him all last year and this year. Summer is supposed to change people, isn't it?
I know it changed me...thank God! again. can never stop you know.
I hadn't seen Robert all summer actually, me trying to get everything organized for the summer retreat with Eugene and my bro and Christie, before going to Korea in August....when everyone came BACK lol...

But in other ways, he's still a great friend to have LOL though I think he's the only one that would ever almost actually blackmail me in the friendly kind of way...

but oh well.
I raged out my anger at him a little on Friday. and here. so NOW i am happy!
b/c im very glad that he's my friend:D

and next?

# of times crying in the last 3 days including today?
3, and ALMOST today

you know, me praying my heart out that the fugue will go okay Xo
we are going to do it all in one sitting! whopeee
thank gosh for big intellect of ARCT things that "Ginger" doesnt know about! :D
though I feel a little guilty....is that simple rhythm REALLY ARCT? really..

and so, from the experience from this week and the graciousness of this weekend. THANK GOD FOR CHURCH really. time for some new thoughts...

dear God

thank you so much for everything you've done

you have given me everything that I have

you are the reason that I can keep on living

with the help of my loved ones as well

you know?

This week was hard.

I was so confused.

I think I was rejected somewhere

I think I got isolated from the world I once knew

I think I lost a friend for a couple of moments

What else could I do?

Nothing seemed right to me.

I had yelled at my close friend.

I had made the tense air

Then I realized

I had hated whom I'd become

Everywhere I looked

I saw my sin

my shame

my guilt

my

well, everything that was wrong about me

I went outside and screamed

scaring all those around me

though

I gave them a sincere smile

and started a normal conversation

I think they were frightened of me

So I went inside

and opened up Your Word.

and it showed me

the most beautiful verse.

For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. (16)And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good.

And I almost cried.

so instead, I went on MSN

and asked my good friend

"What would you like

to hear this Sunday?"

and he replied

"King of Majesty please"

And then

a song popped into my head

If we sang King of Majesty,

why not do Majesty?

And so I looked around for the song

and found it

I knew it well

and I taught myself all the others I had chosen

and to finalize it

I went to the piano

and

began

to

play

and..

I begun

to

sing:

Here I Am

humbled by your Majesty

covered by your grace so free

Here I Am

knowing I'm a sinful man

covered by the blood of the Lamb

And now I've found

the greatest love of all

is mine

since you laid down your life

the greatest sacrifice

Majesty

Majesty

Your grace has found me just as I am

*hit*

Empty-handed

*hit*

but alive in your hands

*hit*

Majesty

*hit*

Majesty*

*hit*

Forever I am changed by your love

*hit*

in the prescence of your majesty

*hit*

Majesty.....

*K.O*

And then I cried.

I cried so hard

I couldnt even play the piano

it wasn't even part of the worship

and I tried so hard to keep the sobs back

and let the tears fall.

But it didnt work for me

And I stopped.

And I cried.

And then

somehow

Mothers

always know

exactly

exactly

word for word

what you really

needed to hear.

"God loves you.

No matter what you go through

even if you get a bad grade

even if you mess up

even if you are frustrated

even if you are angry.

God will always love you.

And I will too.

My love is as passionate as God's.

It will never waver."

For so long

I've wanted to hear those words from God

and my mom

and thank you Lord

that you've given them to me

because I feel so relieved

and even though I cry

I cry

in happiness.

Friday! (again)

Yayyyy its fridayyyy:D

and my Garage Band creation is TANK....though I probably wouldnt be able to use it for any video...unless I make things to the MUSIC and not the other way around...^^

so, I missed the classes I needed to figure out how to edit videos in this class and the explanation given by my teacher went like this:

"so what did I miss on tuesday and wednesday?"

"well, we started IVideo."

"Yeah, I heard that from everyone else"

"Well, that's good, so I'll come over to help you get started but for now, just look on some other groups and see how they do it."

"oh, okay"

she never got to me:P so, I'm going to have to figure it out on my own>.<

on the bright side.......

my composition is on bar 108!!:D:D:D:D:D

very happy with myself.

So, again, I slept late.......not from homeworking or coming home late from a field trip.

:P I was talking on MSN lol.

MSN is like a new addiction to me now.

I have this urge to go on, and talk to a certain person (lol) and talk for 2 hours

Those conversation has had so many topics, I wonder how those even came up

And from the one yesterday?

I am freaked out by Saw 5.....

I only watched the trailer, and its like all phrases, and then this guy in a box comes up and then?

"Hello."

OMG so scary!!!!!!!!T-T

and I still ask myself....

"why did I click that link to the Saw 5 trailer why why why why why!!!T0T"

and wow....

im really liking my composition! (playing around though:D:D:D)

BAR 128!!!!!!

and ohemgee.

5 minutes left of class...

Last thoughts:

-Man, those people are going to be shot one day, if they keep on playing all that muchmusic stuff in class.

-<3>

-oh noo science

-Robert is currently a smug idiot who thinks procrastinating doesnt matter

-WEEKEND! wooot!

wakawa.2

dang. she listened. and didnt bring it up. wow.

wakawa.

Bascially, im really unsatisfied with school

and annoyed at someone who closes their ears once you start talking and refuse to see what I'm trying to say

and angry at that too. Let it go!

on the plus side, at TSO concert I saw JF guys:D and I made the audition

but seriously wow

ive changed to listen
and they only changed for a month from what they used to be, now the only difference is that im listening and making my point clear, but what they keep on persisting even though ive said my answer probably over 100 times now. o.m.gosh. GET OFF MY BACK! please!
tell the other one if you want it to happen so badly
and stop telling me repeatedly
because i am seriously sooo frustrated with you right now

God help me.

Lol

Im serious, today in Media Arts....

I.Actually.Focused.

omgosh

it was so frightening..! that I seriously never took my eyes off the screen.

why?

.....................................

GARAGE BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAND!<3<3<3

I would love to be playing with it now, instead of posting this:P jk! but my computer's revival has cost me all my updated softwareT-T making me unable to have that BEAUTIFUL peice of equipment on my computer..

and guess what im thinking?

CHRISTMAS~:P

So, I'm either asking for a Nixon D60, or finding out some way to get Garage Band, OR to be patient..

and make this study room my STUDIO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! teehee!
but then of course, I am going to need a lock on the door, for all the music junkies I will soon have in this room: mic, this computer, another laptop?<--for garage band:P, a KEYBOARD hooked up to the laptop be be recorded, and my future music directory.~~~ very planned out:D

So, if you havent read the other stuff, yea, I was "bullied" / victim of a friendly blackmail, and now its over.

whew.

I didn't want anything to happen, and nothing did. Everything is EXACTLY the same. except better. and with one more email account on my messenger.lol~

Now, God will take over! (not in the rule-the-world kind of way, though he does...according to the Bible.....*sees friends about to attack her Bible* NOO!)

=_=; man that was random..

It's actually really nice weather, and the leaves are honestly beautiful, and if only I could've had someone to walk with me through those fallen leavesT-T

Well, I can't help that I don't have a boyfriend anymore, nor do I actually like anyone either (gasp) and it seems as though people are like pushing me towards guys, and I'm actually refusing, unlike last year=_= let's just forget about that stuffz

lalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalala

Here is another thingymabobber:

Somebody tooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo looooooooooooooooooooooooooooove

hahahha tricked ya didnt I? TRICK OR TREAT! :P i prefer trick, but those little kids are just too adorable!~~

annd listening to Freddie Mercury's (lead singer of Queen) Somebody to Love.
brainwashing myself to remember the lyrics and some licks.:P lyrics, licks?=D

why am I so hyper?
why are strawberries so good?
why am I smiling like a fool while writing this?

well, its cause

im in a good mood! for once!

why:
-no stress
-no blackmail
-no boy troubles
-no pressure (yet)
-good weather
-no more uncertainty

the last one?

I
am
finally
over
my
ex
boyfriend

I thought I was over him
but I realized today
that the reason why I was getting so worked up about that stupid love triangle that never really existed
was because
I wanted to him to see how I felt
OONOOOO
not what you all are thinking! (not in a revenge way!)
He and I are still good friends, compared to all those couples who say that they are still gonna be friends but avoid each other like death..
but I just missed him being with me
at this time, I want to say

KELLY AND NICK ARE SO CUTE TOGETHER~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

okookei and also

I'm okay. Finally.

ohh boy...

so, im not screwed. Good news!=)=)

but still...=(

there are like two strings pulling at me from opposite ends, with support on both sides, and school and choir pulling from the other two ends..

>.< class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;">T-T

I finally figured out what im supposed to do to do well in this class, and unfortunately, I think she still hates me anyways...or likes picking on me........was it smart to sit in the front? maybe maybe not.....

If you  didnt read my previous blog (from the windows space) i do believe I lost my stalker for almost good, but she has latched on to someone else....and they even said that they were annoyed. I sincerely feel bad, b/c, you know, she doesnt feel comfortable to say anything .hm..

And currently, still mad at Robert! for more than one reason.

And at myself, for not being able to choose out of 2.>.<

T-T I still think that teachers hate me for some reasonT-T

On the other hand, I gored my eyes out yesterday for 6 hours on computer reading manga and talking to Robert and some other people, and ended up running.....sprinting up that little slope going from Castlebridge to my house...

The main topic today was mostly politics...the one thing I dont understand the mostT-T

apparently, Stephan Harper won, and there are a lot of different opinions and poo about it.....

..........

blah, again LOVE SUCKS

one of the perks of being 15....^-^ woo...

Being 15 sucks (x4).

So, here I go again.......

T-T I miss being 14.....so much less problems.

but then again, life is all about moving..

T^T moving too FAST! geez..

Hopefully everything will turn out okay..

....

Basically, the world seems to hate me, and im either being over reactive, or im being quietly picked on.
Love sucks too. Definately not something I would put into lyrics for a couple of weeks.
The output?

Me+Love angst+isolation+exclusion+over competitive congregation = depressed me. (aka usual me.)

Friday~?

So, it's finally Friday......

The week just zoomz by=_=

currently? I'm probably going to be black-mailed by Robert any time now, i got a flippin 75 on a project when all the critera is majority 4s, and i only got the format wrong (so wtflip.) 

Philip is probably going to win the spot as secretary, b/c I lack the experience of student council, also b/c my former middle school prime minster is the biggest pot-smoker our my generation and our representative for grade 10 is an egotistical tall guy who only listens to his friends and can make all realistic into ideal ideas. 

Basically, im pretty down, and I blame Robert, because he is going to make my life so awkward with what he is going to do at lunch (crap crap crap..) and I am only excited to go swimming and dinner for this weekend, =_= Hopefully, someone will give me some insight on this..

quickie

So, there's about 10 minutes left in media arts, and this project is DONE wooo! only 3 or 4 more to go....or is it 2 or 3?

It actually looks really pretty, though for posters I should have someone else with me and shout at me when I write too much....ToT

This is another week, and already I feel like I've been at school forever, and its only offical 1st week of October and Monday at that, so something tells me this is going to be another one of those weeks that seems so slow, but when the week is done, it seems like it has gone by so fast.

There are so many things that clicked in yesterday, which is why I love church, cause while sitting service things fall in my eyes like an artist would on a blank piece of paper. (i really love that analogy....is that the word?) 

Well, announcements are going to start in 5 minutes so this is the end! byeee 

a whole week?

Wow, a whole week has gone by, and I'm extremely more happy than I was. I am in schedule!
Though, right at this moment, I should be doing my science project............

BUT instead I'll talk here, though I think only Olena will see this first....bwhahaha
I am very excited for tomorrow, because I have a feeling that this feeling will be contagious
bwahaha

JA NE~!